Posted on February 14, 2010.
New rules for Employment? DISEASE AND LEAVE: We can no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Bereavement Leave: This is not an excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can make friends dead, relatives or colleagues. Every effort should be made to non-employees participate in the plan. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should take place in the afternoon. We are happy to help you work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your work is hand done enough.
YOUR own death: This is accepted as an excuse. However, we need at least two weeks in advance because it is your duty to train your own replacement.
Toilet USE: Entirely too much time is spent in the toilet. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For example, all employees whose names begin with A'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' range from 8:00 to 8: 10 employees whose names begin with B'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' range from 8.10 to 8: 20 and so on. If not you''''''''''''''''re to go to your time, it will be necessary to wait until tomorrow, when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may exchange their time with a colleague. The two employees'''''''''''''''' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict limit of 3 minutes in the pits. After three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract and the cabin door opens.
PAYCHECK GUIDE: The helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks:
Item Amount Gross pay $ 1222.02 Income $ 244.40, $ 45.21 outgo taxes, state taxes $ 11.61 $ 61.10 Interstate tax, county tax $ 6.11 city tax 12 , $ 22 fee $ 4.44 for rural tax refund of $ 1.11 Front tax $ 1.16 Side tax $ 1.61 Up tax $ 1.08 Down tax $ 1.14 Tic- tacs bugs $ 3.93 $ 1.98 $ 0.98 tacks $ 0.69 Stadium tax $ 8.32 Flat tax surcharge tax $ 2.23 $ 1.23 My'''''''' '''''''' am corporation tax $ 2.60 $ 5.00 parking fee $ 9.95 FICA $ 81.88 TGIF Fund $ 5.85 Life insurance $ 16.23 Dental insurance $ 4.50 Mental insurance $ 4.33 Disability $ 2.50 Ability $ 0.25 Liability $ 3.41 Coffee $ 6.85 coffee mugs $ 66.51 rental floor $ 16.85 $ 0.32 President rental office rental $ 4.32 Union dues $ 5.85 Union don''''''''''''''''ts cash advances 3 77 $ 0.69 Cash retreats $ 121.35 $ 1.26 $ hours Undertime additional $ 54.83 Eastern time $ 9.00 Central time $ 8.00 Mountain time $ 7.00, Pacific time $ 6.00 Time Out $ 12.21 Oxygen $ 10.02 Water $ 16.54 Heat $ 51.42 $ 26.83 fresh air to hot air $ 20.00 Miscellaneous $ 113.29 Miscellaneous Miscellaneous $ 8.01 $ 12.09 ------- Net earnings $ 0.02 net
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation.
